When Blonds Collide
by Colored-Chrome
Summary: drunk!fic. When you piss off a blond, you never survive. When Shikamaru, Sasuke and other characters insult Ino and Naruto for being blond, they drink themselves into oblivion. Konoha will never disrespect blonds again.
1. Never Get Drunk With A Blond

**A/N: Written because I really like Ino's and Naruto's friendship, which I feel they have because, like, duh, they have **_**blond **_**hair, and I just **_**had **_**to write a fic in which they get drunk and prank everyone into oblivion. My first try at humor. Which is weird 'cos I'm considered a really funny person. Not to boast. Wow, I'm big-headed.**

**Anyway, this is NOT Naru/Ino , KNOW THIS!!!!**

"Ino-chan!"

Ino turned around around at the sound of the honorific. No one ever added _–chan _to her name. To everyone, she was just Ino. And to Sakura, she was Ino-pig. No one added _–chan _to her name.

She turned to see…

Naruto…

She cursed under her breath and walked faster so that she could duck into a nearby shop, or ditch, or _something _, anything to get away from Naruto. It wasn't that she disliked him or anything. She was facing a emotional upheaval (don't ask) at the moment and was not in the mood for a bowl of ramen, something that Naruto forced every one of his friends to have with him at least once a week. They only entertained it because, hell, he was _Naruto _and it was almost impossible for _anyone _to say no to him.

She was doing it for the boy's own good of course. A few months into his Hokage-ship, Naruto was doing a fine job. More than fine in fact. Excellent. And everyone in the village agreed with her. He had everything going for him and she didn't want to bother him with her emotional problems.

Then, if Naruto was such a fine Hokage, then why was he running towards Ino, his Hokage robes swishing around madly, a crazed look in his eye?

Ino had a very bad feeling.

"Ino-chan, let's go!"

Ino sighed and gave up on trying to outrun Naruto. She turned around and sighed.

"Naruto, I really don't mean to be rude-"(Why was she talking like this? Why wasn't she pounding him into the ground?) "-But, I really don't want to eat ramen right now, because, my pride has been hurt, and-"

"Oh my gosh, yours too? Then, all the more reason, Ino-chan-"

"Why do you keep calling me that?!"

"Because, _Ino-chan, _as of right now, we are drinking buddies."

The bemused blond stared at him.

"Drinking buddies?"

"Yes, Ino-chan, we're going drinking!"

Ino thought about it. She was feeling rather reckless, and Naruto had a great sense of humor, so she may not be wasting her time, after all, he was the Hokage, and she was old enough to drink.

The only problem was that she didn't drink.

And neither did Naruto, as far as she knew. And she knew Naruto pretty well, due to their teams spending an enormous amount of time together…

Oh, what the heck?

"Yeah, Naruto, let's go. But one question. Why did you choose me to drink with you?"

Naruto just smirked uncharacteristically and dragged Ino by the collar to the nearest bar.

"Be quiet, pig. Let's drink!"

After only two shots of what the bartender assured was very strong (but which actually had water poured in it to dilute it, because no one wanted the loving Hokage to get trashed), both Naruto and Ino were giggling madly.

They could not hold their alcohol very well.

"So, Naruto-kun-" (What the hell is wrong with Ino?) "- What compelled you to come drinking this awesome stuff?"

"Well, Ino-chan, the teme judged me by the color of my hair. That's racism, right?"

"Yeah!" Ino replied, being too drunk to point out the error in his words. "Well, if you'll believe it, Naruto-kun, Shikamaru, no, Shikamaru_-teme _–" Naruto whooped appreciatively while Ino smiled knowingly. "- was racist towards me, too."

"No way!"

"I know, unbelievable, right? He thinks that because I'm blond, I'm dumb. Apparently it's a very popular stereotype, and he started believing in it after he met me."

"You're shitting me!" Naruto yelled, a little too loud.

"No, I'm not!"

"Well, the bastard said the same thing to me, Ino-chan!"

"Oh, no he didn't!"

"Oh, yes he did!"

"Kind sir, would you mind giving me another shot of this substance? Oh, and one for the gentleman as well, please." Ino yelled.

"More booze, Ino?" Naruto yelled.

"Hell, yeah, man! This is our thinking food! We're getting back at every single person who called us blond and dumb! Are you with me brother?"

"Hell yeah!" Naruto said, seizing the freshly poured glasses of very, very strong substance, and slinging an arm around Ino's shoulders. She put her arm on his, and both of them clinked their glasses together.

"ONE FOR BLOND AND BLOND FOR ALL!!"

"Feel the fury of yellow, pimps!"

"HELL YEAH, NARUTO-KUN! LET'S SHOW THIS NON-BLOND TOWN WHO'RE BOSSES!!"

**A/N: W O W. Naruto and Ino wreaking havoc on the village. Here's a list of all the people from who vengeance will be extracted from:**

**Tsunade**

**Sakura**

**Shikamaru**

**Sai**

**Kiba and Akamaru **

**Sasuke (Because he's not the only one who can perfect the art of revenge)**

**Neji**

**Tenten**

**Pakkun (Ha, lol)**

**If you guys have any ideas for pranks, just send them to me… as a review (wink, wink).**


	2. The Melancholy of Granny Tsunade

**A/N: Peoples, I may have to put this on an indefinite hiatus. This is 'cause my mean parents aren't allowing me on my own laptop. I know, WTF, right? **

**Anyway, I will try updating every week, unless some bastardly homework comes up.**

**So, here is the second chapter, in which we see Tsunade and Sakura get tortured. You know you want to see this!**

**Revenge 1: Replace Tsunade's alcohol with copies of Icha Icha/ smutty pictures.**

Naruto giggled drunkenly. "Ino-chan, should we really prank Tsunade-obaachan? I mean, after all, she's blond as well, right?"

Ino sighed and looked at her _(drinkingpartner) _friend. "Dearest Naruto-kun. The purpose of this holy battle is to punish those mean people who dared to insult us for being what we are."

Naruto stared at her and said, "So we just have to torture these pimps.. Agreed?"

Ino smiled in agreement. Getting Naruto drunk may have made him smarter.

As the two blonds entered the house of the sleeping Tsunade, the first thing they wondered was why the door was unlocked. It was Naruto who then pointed out that Tsunade had no reason to be afraid of robbers or kidnappers when she had her (terrifying, scary, mortifying) superhuman strength.

"Listen Naruto," Ino said as they collected all of the Godaime's sake. "We only have one night to complete this saintly task. If you do anything to screw this up, I swear, I will castr-"

"Please don't complete that sentence!" cried a scared-out-of-his-hokage's-robes Naruto. "I get it. You think I'm dumb. And I agree. But if I don't mess this up, we'll go drinking again… Day after tomorrow."

"Sounds good," Ino smiled as she went into Tsunade's room to replace her nightly bottle of sake with a picture of a naked lady. And a copy of Icha icha Paradise, of which Naruto seemed to have copious amounts.

When Tsunade awoke from her evening nap to drink a small sip of sake, she saw in It's place, a woman…

Topless.

And bottomless.

It was a picture, of course. Of a _naked woman. _Staring at her as if she was… She was…

Well, Jiraiya!

She searched the photo hungrily, looking for anything that may identify who placed the photo there. She then noticed that the lady in the picture had curious, whisker-like marks on her face.

"Naruto… You bastard… And Ino… I'm sure of it… I will make sure that both of you will die a painful death… Yes, by my hands."

While mumbling incoherent curses to people that were not even there (or so she thought) she went to her fridge to get a nice, cooling bottle of sake. What should she find in her fridge but a large poster if a pair of girls doing the nasty… And yet another copy of Icha Icha.

Tsunade growled and even thi=ough he was yards away from her, he shivered.

"Naruto… will die…"

She then let out a frustrated yell that woke up half the population of the village.

In the shadows ,two drunken blonds were hiding. They slapped high-fives to each other but missed. They were drunk after all.

**Revenge 2: Go to Sakura's house and yell in her ear that she'd better get off this bench, or tell her that you found all of her intimate photos of her and Iruka-sensei… and are not afraid of showing her beloved Sasuke. OR, create said photos using your highly developed blond brains… Yeah, go with the third one and then do number two.**

"Erm, Ino-chan?" Naruto was scared.

"Yes, my dearest Naruto-kun?"

"Are you sure we should go to Sakura-chan's house? I mean, the teme might be there., and the may be, erm, well, making-"

"All the more reason to go, dearest! We can carry out double revenge if we go there. And first, lets manufacture some smutty photos of Sakura and Iruka-sensei. Come, on, Naruto-kun!"

Naruto found all of this disconcerting.

He had cleverly pasted a photo of Iruka-sensei and Sakura onto an ad for condoms that he found in a magazine. Doing all of this reminded him of his youger days when he wanted respect. Now that he had it (the respect), why was he doing this?

Oh right, because he's drunk.

Damn that Ino.

**A/N: People, I'm really sorry that I have to put this on hiatus, but don't lose faith, 'cause I will update in a few days: most probably Wednesday or maybe Saturday.**

**I would have made this chapter longer, along with Sakura's reaction to this prank, but I'm really tired because I'm staying up until 1:00 on a school night, just so that you lovely reviewers won't be disappointed.**

**Please read more of my stories and keep reviewing!!!**


	3. You Don't Want to Mess With This

**A/N: Peoples!! Je suis back! I will try my best at updating, but I really love y'all for staying with me. I knew doing a humor fic would be good for me. So please review and I, er, love you if you review. Come on people, it ain't that hard! :'(**

**DO IT FOR POP-TARTS, DUDES!**

It is a very well known fact that blonds are not good at holding in their alcohol.

Therefore, when Naruto escaped from his friends to go drinking, no one in the slightest thought that he would do just that. They probably believed that he was off to eat his bi-hourly bowl of ramen.

Sakura and Sasuke had been two of those friends.

Of course, due to the unexpected departure of their ex-teammate, they decided to go to Sakura's apartment for some –ahem- "extra studying" (which made absolutely no sense as both of them had passed their jonin exams).

So, approximately four hours later, when a drunken Ino and Naruto wandered into her apartment, both Sasuke and Sakura were thoroughly (ravaged) tired from "studying".

It was in their post-"studying" position that Ino and Naruto found them. When they saw them, Ino immediately started cackling and taking photos of them, while Naruto turned a sickly shade of green. After all, when you see your two best friends entwined on the same bed-er-study table, it could lead to slightly… odd sensations. In your stomach.

And it didn't help that Naruto was slightly (completely) drunk.

"Yes, Naruto-kun. That's it. After giving your clone the cleverly photo-shopped picture, we run and hide beneath the dining table."

"Okay…I think I get it now."

"Good, darling," Ino said patronizingly to Naruto while petting him on the head, despite him being almost three inches taller than her. "You've finally got it."

"THEN PUT IT INTO ACTION, YOU IDIOT."

Naruto jumped drunkenly and quickly created a clone. Dragging the clone's hand, he made his way to Sakura's bed, quietly whispering instructions to the clone all the while.

"You will hold this photo and yell in Sakura's ear that you caught her and Iruka sensei's nasty scenes on camera. After handing her the photo, you _will stab the ungrateful bastard with this popsicle. _Or else, the apocalypse will take place. Sasuke is terribly protective and (fanatically) devoted to her. Oh, and run for your life and meet me at the Hokage tower at exactly 21 hrs." The clone looked confused. "10 o' clock."

The clone just nodded, being created much smarter than Naruto. Oh, and not drunk.

"NARUTO! INO!"

Ino and Naruto chuckled at the sound of Sakura and Sasuke yelling together. They clinked their glasses of sake and predictably missed. They shrugged and downed the substance in one gulp anyway. Naruto being delighted at getting that teme back for calling him dumb. Well, that would show them to mess around with the formidable forces of a blond.

They would have the hangover from hell the next day.

Well that's what you get for drinking with a blond.

**A/N: I SWEAR I LOVE ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL READERS AND REVIEWERS.**

**Now, make me CRY with happiness and click that review button. :')**

**C'mon guys, show me that my staying up until 3:00 in the morning on a SCHOOL NIGHT was not done in vain!!! Oh, and a million apologies for this chapter being so short. I don't have the miraculous ability to write amazing stories. Eurgh.**


	4. To Trouble a Lazy Ass

**A/N: FINALLY a review. I am so sorry for the delay!!!! You wonderful reviewers are absolutely the ONLY that keep me going. I will try to smuggle another chapter by the 17****th****, I am going on a trip avec mes amis on the 19****th**** :) **

**So. Enjoy. AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.**

Two cloaked figures wandered about in the moonlight, searching for one another. The scene was one that would be imported directly from a horror film, besides the fact that these two hooded, mysteriously blond figures were swaggering slightly.

As if they were drunk.

The very stereotypical organ music wafted through the chilly night as the man with the spiky hood passed a large box of some sinister substance into the hands of his equally drunk comrade. To anyone who was watching, the box may have appeared to be a thousand-year scroll, or something of the sort. But no.

It was a pineapple.

**Revenge 3: Place a pineapple in Shikamaru's bed and tell him it's a pillow.**

"Ino-chan, when did you learn to play an organ?"

"I DON'T know, you hopeless buffoon. It was a cassette. I made you plug the player in, remember?"

"Did you now? Hmm…"

As the dynamic, dashing (drunken) duo walked stealthily to the home of one Mr. Shikamaru Nara, the package that was carried by one Ms. Ino Yamanaka, was beginning to become heavy. She shot a furtive glance at the Hokage who was twirling around and singing softly a nursery rhyme.

Ino sighed and as she silently dragged Naruto through the gates of the Nara household, she asked herself why she was doing this. She knew what would happen the next day (the worst hangover ever), and the consequences, but she took no heed and continued her reign (really…) of terror (yeah, right) along with her "evil" henchman, the Hokage.

Ino was not one to act on a whim, and she wondered why she was acting insane now.

But, oh wait, she was drunk, wasn't she?

"Shut UP, Ino, do you WANT the Nara to wake up and skin our asses?"

Ino huffed at Naruto. "_Dobe-sama, _Shikamaru never ever wakes up because of the noise one person makes. Once, he even slept through a cyclone we experienced during a mission. So, no, he won't wake up, even if we break a freaking vase."

Jinxing something is not something that our ever practical ninja believe in. However, when Ino was lecturing Naruto, Naruto staggered back and shattered a vase. In Shikamaru's room. While he was asleep. Unfortunately for Ino, Shikamaru was feeling more alert than usual that night.

"Whozzat?"

Ino yelped and Naruto cursed inwardly as the made a run for it. Waking Shikamaru in the middle of the night was not something a person who wanted to live should do.

The Bonnie and Clyde of Konoha clutched their hoods and ran out of the estate as fast as they could.

"That prank was a bust" Naruto groaned as they reached the farthest end of the Nara estate.

"Was it?" Ino smiled shiftily at Naruto and cupped her hands towards the direction of Shikamaru's home. "3…2…1…"

" AHHHHH!!!!!! INO!!!!! NARUTO!!!!!!!! YOU DIE!!!!!!"

Naruto grinned until his ears hurt and slapped a high-five to a bush which he apparently thought was Ino.

Ino rolled her eyes and marveled at the sound of Shikamaru's shrieking (that sounds so wrong).

Yes, that lazy ass got what he freaking deserved.

Ino must remember to send Naruto a complementary batch of roses as a thanks for all the wonderful events that had taken place on that fateful evening.

It's good to be blond.

**A/N: I am going through MAJOR writer's block right now, so this chapter was kind of… un-funny. Tres sorry, people. Next chapter we'll torture… ah, Sai and Kiba and Akamaru. Chapter after that, Neji and Tenten. Mwahaha. So get ready for a bunch of Saino and NejiTen goodness. Good. Now review. Go on. Do it. For Luke Pasqualino and everything else that keep me on this earth.**


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